just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
