you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
