her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
