I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
