I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
