If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
