then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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