Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
