This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Randomize
