I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
