just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
