What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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