oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
