it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize