we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
