Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize