Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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