I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
