smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
