I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
