I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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