I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
