You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
