New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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