I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
