maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize