Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Drunk is not a location!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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