Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
