I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
