is wine microwaveable?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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