Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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