What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize