also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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