I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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