my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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