Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I know her cup size but not her name....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
