Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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