help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
