Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
