Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
