I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Rumble strips road head = magical
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize