i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
