I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
