He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
