He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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