Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
