She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize