Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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