I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
