Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
