how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
