Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
