alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
