Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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