Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
