My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
