i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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