Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
