we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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