You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
