last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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