im having a threesome with these popsicles
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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