So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
