I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
