I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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