it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
