Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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