Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it was like eating out sand paper
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
