what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
