theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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