I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
two words: eviction party
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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