I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize