after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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