Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
