No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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