Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
