Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
After tacos, we're chasing women.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
