Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
