Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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