Cold hands, warm shart.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
