Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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