i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
