I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
