is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Vodka?
Forever.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
