Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
